Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
And then the night went full on bisexual.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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