Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I need to stop making out with boys in plain view of half my class.
He looked like Harry Potter. I had to do it.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
