Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
