you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Randomize
