Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
