Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
