A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Success! We fucked roommates!
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