i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
