I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
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