Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
Dude, I swear her tits are going to give me a concusion.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
