Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
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