I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Randomize
