why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Randomize
