That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
