she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
