so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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