Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Tell me about it I woke up on your couch with only my underwear on and a 26 year old wrapped around me. I thought my thirties would be different.
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
