i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
