You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Randomize
