On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
so i told him i still liked him. he laughed
well, your crazy. what did you expect?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
