Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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