C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
