they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
