I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
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