the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
