he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
and you fell through a lawn chair
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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