Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Randomize
