I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Randomize
