if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
