my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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