it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
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