Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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