I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
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