drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Randomize