If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
