i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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