I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Redeem this text for a blowjob
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Randomize
