I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
