This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
Randomize
