Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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