so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize