I cannot find my penis.
no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
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