I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
