Whatcha textin bout Willis?
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Btw had an awesome time last night. Found some blood on my shirt and ear but I'll chalk it up to the tequila shots.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
