Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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