somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
