Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
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