Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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