my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
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