I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
