oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
