I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
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