All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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