Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Randomize
