Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
You've changed since you got that strap on
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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