She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
