I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
