About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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