I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
