Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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