theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I wish there was a morning after pill for dominoes.
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
