I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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