The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
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