lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
Randomize
