Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I can text with my tongue
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
Randomize
