I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
