I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
Randomize
