Operation Purity has been aborted
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
