I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Randomize
